I am little obsessed with meaningful quotes that I can especially relate to, as they can draw you into to a person’s backstory. I’ve been meaning to write about my personal thoughts for some time but I wasn’t exactly sure how to introduce myself. Even right now I am struggling to write this introduction as I want to make sure everything I’m saying makes sense haha! Throughout primary school, secondary school, sixth form, university and job placements I always get asked this one question “Delissa, why are you so quiet?” I find it quite difficult to answer that as I wasn’t exactly sure myself, I pretty much got use to the idea of everyone thinking I was shy so I stuck with that label. I’ve learned along the way that growing up with that label has made quite a reserved and not being able to open up so much.
From my past experiences, I started to realize that staying in that comfort zone has affected me along the run…especially mentally, physically and emotionally. Even though I was known as the quiet one I use to love doing activities such as singing, dancing, swimming and writing poetry, but I can’t exactly pin point why I stopped. These interests helped me step out of my comfort zone from time to time and when I do look back now I question who and what allowed me to do so. I use to take part in talent shows and even sing at home all the time but I guess things change and so do people. I noticed that whilst growing up I tend to take an interest in something then along the way I’d lose interest and move onto something else. I never really stayed committed to anything and it makes sense to why I felt so lost during my time at university. I remember towards midway of my second year whilst studying Media Production I just lost the passion for filmmaking. It was an odd realization as I was walking up the stairs and it suddenly hit me like a tonnes of bricks and so I asked myself “What are you doing?”
Do you really see yourself becoming a filmmaker for the long run? No, I couldn’t really see a future there for myself. I think I really enjoyed studying Media in sixth form but not so much at university as I no longer had an interest in it. I noticed that this realization did eventually affect me and my grades as I hardly put much effort in my assignments. I felt stuck and as someone who overthinks everything, I thought it would be too late to switch to do a different course. Whilst in primary school and high school I wasn’t really the academic type as I was too shy to ask questions or I just lacked focus. I managed to get the grades that I needed for my A Level subjects: Applied Media, Software Development and Dance. I worked two jobs and managed to achieve the grades that I needed for university and I remember during that time I developed skin inflammation due to stress.
Along the line I started to realize that everything happens for a reason as I soon discovered a new passion for photography. I was allowed to choose a photography module during my second year and I soon started to realize that I saw myself as a Conceptual/Portrait Photographer for the long run. I was able to channel my repressed emotions into evoking imagery, especially in my self-portrait work.